Some State of Mind

It's been a long time since I wrote my last post. I have been going through a complete 100% transformation into my new being. If you don't know the old me, check the old blog posts; they will give you little insight into my mind. As for now, I can only hope to create the person I have desired to be.

I chose to write tonight for the simple reason that I just felt like it. I was in the mood for one of my rants on the trials, tribulations, and wonders of life. I have yet to come up with any answers. I do have three books on the LSAT's and many wonderful stories on the rendez-vous with the garcons I have met this year. All of these cats deserve their own blog post for the sheer insanity of their antics. But for the mean time, I will focus on me.

So where am I at? In my bedroom, looking at my amazing chart trying to memorize the "proper" way of dissecting an argument. This is very dangerous. I already possess the skills of a mad debater looking through clues in people's words so I can snatch their sanity and yank their control from under their feet. Now I have the tools to fully kill a person's opinion. And I do so with many tactical methods at my disposal. Variations in words have a strong effect. I wish more people would understand that; it would lead to more interesting conversations. But for the mean time, I just laugh. I can only hope that one day people will read my scheming and STOP! But human nature and ignorance are always to my advantage.

I have been watching a lot of "Dexter" for the past few days, and he has inspired me. It's funny I say that because he is a walking contradiction in it of itself, but he just speaks to me in a way that many people would not get. My feelings, those pieces broken inside me, are just that: pieces. When it comes down to it, they don't mean anything. I have tried to "pretend" for many years thinking of ways to care the way "normal" people care, but I just don't give a fuck. I make that clear to everyone I meet because I want them to see me for the arrogant, narcissistic bitch that I am, but they always end up falling for the smile or the eyes. They think, "I will change her," but all I do is play. I treat them like toys and leave them in the rain when I want to do something else. Disposible they all are. And I don't feel anything.

Let's correct that; I feel inspiration running through my veins. I want to be the best. I want to be remembered in history. I want the world to grovel at my feet every time they see me. And I want to be alone. So what's my state of mind? Dazed and confused.

Drunk blogging....

So I am drunk. And I wanted to share with the world just how I feel about my life.

I have been seeing a few men since I was left by my fiancee. Now, I am over my fiancee. After a while of complete isolation from him, I was able to just numb the feelings of love I once felt for him. This is quite interesting because in all honesty, I am still hung up on the feelings, but when I am told that I am loved, I feel nothing. I feel a sadness that is losing such a great love, but the truth is simply that life goes on and we must adjust to the circumstances of life.

Now, I am seeing a number of different people. I refuse to have the same circumstances that I had the past seven year because life happens now and once you experience a part of life that you have had a chance to live to the fullest, you move on to something completely different. It's quite interesting that I had such a serious relationship when I was young because I was able to experience and realize that relationships are not for me. Becoming a player in the process of dealing with the circumstances of life can have some serious consequences. Like for example, sleeping with a complete stranger. It's not the most breakthrough moment you can have; not even a simple common sense moment you can create for yourself. You simply end up feeling the same way because you gave it up with someone who has no recollection of the person you are. It's almost a sad part of life seeing people hook up in order to find some importance in their life. And it's true. If you were a true man, you would find someone that can fulfill your life, instead of finding people who mean absolutely nothing to you.

Like I said, I am drunk. Certain things can be talked about while being drunk, and this is one of them. I don't know who will read this, but I do know that the truth is being spewed each time that you read my blog. And this is one of them. I went from a seven-year relationship...to one-night stands...to I don't know. Now I look for the balance of whore and saint. Could you be more phony? I don't know....Being a whore my whole life, I don't know what else to be. But at the same time, I am a wife with the ability to care for a man better than any single woman out there. Yet, here I am in the same spot as I was seven years ago. And I am smarter, sexier, and better than I have ever been. When you are called a "dime piece" by a complete asshole that takes advantage of women, you know you are doing something right...but that's another blog-post.

I am drunk and I don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself because it feels good. And fuck the person next to you because they'll appreciate the offer...just saying...

Coming back from Hiatus...Part 2

I've decided to keep my blog and not start a new one. I wanted to start fresh since the life I created seven years ago went up in smoke like my J. But I cannot leave my blog for the sake of some asshole. Instead I have decided to vamp it up with new ideas for the mind and soul.

My focus has turned to something other than Honduras as I have returned to California with a new found freedom that will only lead to more adventures than I can fathom. At first I thought that my ex-fiancee was the reason for my adventures, but the truth is that I am the reason for my adventures because I have taken the plunge into unknown territories in hopes of finding more meaning to my life.

As of right now, my focus has been on partying and meeting men. I am honest with this because I don't like being a liar on my blog. It's fucking stupid and I refuse to be lying about my endeavors. I have met many men with different backgrounds, tastes, and ways of treating women. I gotta admit, I am not impressed by the selection, but everyday there is improvement. We shall see what arises.

In the mean time, I will continue to educate the masses on books, music, movies, and anything that I feel is essential to the overall progress of the world. We are surrounded by ignorance, so let's do our best to shed light on the truth; it is our best friend in the end and the only companion we will have for the rest of our lives and eternity.

My focus has turned to music. I bought the new Kanye West album...but that shall be discussed in the next post. To give an idea about my feelings of Kanye West...he speaks to my generation of people. I am not talking about the hoes or the street pharmacists, the pimps and gang bangers. I am talking about the educated minority that have been trapped by the stereotypes set forth by the white man and by ourselves. He speaks in a way that makes so much sense to me. He speaks the truth; it is raw and it is extremely controversial, but it hits you and you can't deny it. As the days follow, each song off my "Dark Twisted Fantasy" will be dissected to the point of no return in hopes that one can understand the true meaning of art and how it can be disguised as commercial hip hop. Please get ready and enjoy the show!

The loner...

Does anyone even know what that means?

I've been inspired at this moment to write about how much I hate people. I started thinking about my time in high school and I couldn't help but say, "Man, I hate people!" Now what does that have to do with the word loner? Well I think it goes hand in hand with my complete distaste in the "collective" mindset.

Now before you stop reading this, I will explain thoroughly what I mean by the word "people". This means any kind of group, three or more. This also includes when I am a part of a group of three or more in a setting where we are allowed to speak loudly. The reason this is so irritating to me that I have to touch on such a powerful feeling is because the constant, non-stop, deliberately bitchy attitude that I see from groups of people. Sometimes it's very apparent while other times it seems to come out of left field.

The one thing I can't stand most about groups of people is the judgment. I think its one of the most annoying feelings to have when someone is judging you, let alone a group of fucking people. I mean I truly hate having to see the glare of condensation from certain groups. It almost makes me want to scream, "FUCK YOU!" while giving them the middle finger and telling them all of their indiscretions because they are no fucking saints themselves. That's how much I hate groups of people.

And to make matters worse because the crowd relies so heavily on numbers, the more people in the group the more willingness to act the same, so there is more judgment passed on to you.

So I often avoid settings where I will find myself engulf in the feeling of judgment. If that makes me a "loner" then I guess I am a loner. But I still feel the same way and none of these feelings ever change regardless which setting I put myself in. In high school, I was the one being judge. In Roatan, I was the one judging and the one being judged.

So to end my small post, I will say this...

1. I hate groups of people.
2. I am a loner because I hate groups of people.
3. I like being a loner.

Now there are many reasons why I am a loner, but for now this is just one.

So as I head out to the beach, I will take my book to read and swim in order to have my "loner" time to myself. And I hope that I won't get hit on today...

"Devil"- by M. Night Shamylan

Check this trailer out. This movie seems like it has the potential to kill! We'll see if its any good...

Back from Hiatus...

Hello everyone and welcome again to the Travel Companion...

I truly must say that I have not been inspired to write in my blog. I stopped because I started working at my craft, and I just lost interest in writing about my experiences in Honduras in conglomerate with the books that I read. I still want to write about books, but less about them and more about me. I guess the blog is the new way in which an ordinary person can write their feelings, as oppose to a journal, but now share it with the world. I am not sure I want to share such personal feelings, but then again, I could care less what anyone thinks of me. So lets continue on and see if we can reach a new level of fame...


As recently as yesterday, I finished reading the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. To give a brief summary, this is the story of a boy named Santiago, who lives on the plains of Andulusia in Spain and herds sheep for a living. He begins to have vivid dreams about a treasure awaiting him at the Pyramids of Giza, in Egypt. He soon begins the quest to find this treasure, and in essence, find himself. The book calls it his "Personal Legend" where every living being has one and must attain it in order to reach the true purpose of one's life. Through trials and tribulations, the boy finds the love of his life, and he finds out that the journey is in essence the personal legend finding itself. He also finds his treasure in a place that he least expected to find it, but you need to read the book to find that one out.

This is the first time I have come across a book of spirituality that I have been able to read. I am not a big fan of religion, and have no real concept of spirituality. I will say here and now that my religion is the freedom of the human being, written in the US Constitution, and my spirituality is based on the ideas of possibilities. My mind is open to endless ideas about the world, but I choose to embrace them as theories, and not concrete facts.

To begin my discussion of this book, I must say that I really liked it. Coelho has a very interesting take on the world and his surroundings. Everything is one, and everything in essence can speak in one language, the language of the heart in the soul of the world. Because we can all speak this one true language of "life," we all function in a similar way. Some living thing, like a single-cell organism, has a purpose to live as a single-cell organism. That is its "Personal Legend." The bees that travel many different planes to find pollen for their nest and cultivate their honey is their "Personal Legend." Every SINGLE living organism in this universe is connected in the fact that we have a purpose to fulfill in our lifetime.

As human beings, we are truly complex creatures with millions of thoughts and feelings that allow us clarity or mist through our paths of self-discovery. Because of the fact that we have created our world based on what we need, we have alienated the surrounding creatures that give us the answers so many of us are desperately trying to find. Coelho uses the term "omen" to describe these signs we seek to guide us. An omen is anything perceived or happening that is believed to portend a good or evil event or circumstance in the future; portent. An omen is also a sign of the language of the heart guiding you on your path to your "Personal Legend." I call them a gut feeling, but there is definitely more to it.

When reading the story, I found it very curious that most of the omens came from other living things, like butterflies or hawks, and it made me wonder how many signs I've been missing while on my path to self discovery. What we often forget is that our lives are all connected by the simple fact that we are alive. Everything on this planet has that one thing in common, and it always the most difficult thing to understand between one another. We see ourselves as different, but the energy that is "life" is in all of us, and it that sense, we are capable of finding our way through life by looking at the life surrounding us and know that although we are one individually, WE ARE ONE COLLECTIVELY. That means that searching for your true path means searching with every other living thing that is searching for theirs. We are not alone, and we can use the symbols and living things around us to find out a little about ourselves and about life.

In order to find one's "personal legend," one must know what that personal legend is. How do I find that out? By looking into your dreams and wondering about yourself and the world around you. Why is it so easy for the bees to find their purpose, but yet so many people all over the world live in complete depression without realizing their true potential? I don't know. I was like that for a period of time where I felt completely lost. I did not know who I was nor did I know what I wanted to do. I forgot about myself and it took me 8 years to realize that I was on the right path to my self discovery, and this was a trial and tribulation for it. When we realize what our path is to discover who we are, we realize that every single problem in our lives has been sent there to test the fact that you will become your personal legend. You see, I've always wanted to be a lawyer. Every since I can remember I wanted to be right all of the time. For a while though, I thought of myself as completely lost and useless. I felt I was a joke and an inconvenience, so I chose to leave my surroundings to find something different. I took the journey of a lifetime to Honduras, thinking that I would find a new home in this country. What I ended up doing is testing myself on the complete limits of my capabilities. I also extended my capabilities to endless possibilities. I now FIRMLY believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to because all of the trials that I have gone through brought me back to my personal legend of becoming a lawyer, well more specifically law professor for I have found an AMAZING passion for teaching. So again, I think I was just able to see, and so many people see while others get lost in the trap of suffering and complaint, which could be the reason they never find themselves.

It's pretty fascinating to me to have this mentality because I am truly grateful now to all of those great ones and assholes (won't mention any names) who made life possible and impossible for me at times. Thank you for your genius and idiocy and I hope you find your own personal legend.

Surf the Channel- Another Companion

One of my other companions on this trip is "surfthechannel.com." If anyone knows anything about me, the one thing they would know is how much I love television and media. Growing up and watching The Simpsons, I grew fascinated and obsessed with media. I would literally watch 5-8 hours of television a day, sometimes to the wee hours of the morning. Since it's important to me, I have found a way to keep it in my life.

When moving to Honduras, one of my many concerns was, "What the hell am I going to about television and movies?" Then came the wonderful world of surfthehannel.com. I had heard it from a friend, don't remember who, and so I took it upon myself to find this website where the magic happened. I was not disappointed!

Every movie and television show I can think of can be found in this website. Any documentary, funny item, anything (except "The Devil Wears Prada") can be found. And for every item I see, there is always something interesting to say.

On that note, this marks the first item about surfthechannel.com section. There will be many more commentaries about the website, and what's on it. Check it out and see if you can find your long lost brother!